Archive for ornaments

Bendey’s 25 Worst Family Xmas Tree Ornaments:

Posted in FAIL, Products, Random BS with tags , , , , , , , on December 6, 2009 by bendey14

Here at the Bender household, we have a handful of holiday traditions. Some have come and gone, some were retired after age 12, and some were just forgotten. But one tradition that has stuck around for all my years on this earth is making our family Christmas tree ugly as hell. It’s pretty easy to achieve, especially when half our ornaments were made in the 50’s and the other half were hand-crafted by my brothers and I through grade school. In the past, my parents have tried to make it a tree to be proud of, but at the end of the day, I’m going to find a spot to hang that sequined cotton ball nightmare. During my younger years, I felt every ornament deserved it’s fair share of the holiday spirit and would stop at nothing to find a spot for it among the tree, no matter how ugly it was. Now that I’m older, that principle that has worn off, but the tradition still remains: the Bender family Christmas tree is going to be ugly as sin, because it wouldn’t be Christmas without it.

Here are a few examples of the Bender tree ornaments that have the ability to make babies cry.

Rudolph Pine Cone

The hot glue really gives this one character.

Psychedelic Kite

My Mom definitely got this one sometime back in college.

Elf/Pinocchio/Soldier

This one would be considerably less creepy if he had hands and wasn’t obviously lying about something.

Skiing Snowman

Are those Rossi twin-tips?!

Ms. American Mouse

I’m guessing this ornament was made back in ’59 when Alaska and Hawaii became our 49th and 50th states.

Asian Horse Thingy

Nothing pays homage to the birth of Jesus more than an ancient Japanese-style war stallion.

Pears

Ah, I get it, “pear tree”… good one.

Energizer Bunny

Some strange lady in Target gave this to me when I was 5.  I thought the 7-Up dots might have chiseled it for me.

Boy & Girl

I can see why some people might consider this cute, but what they don’t know, is that it smells like old socks.

Pink Victorian Boots

I don’t care how old you are.  This is not okay to have on a tree.

Santa Tie w/ googly eyes

Having trouble selling something?  Put googly eyes on it and watch the money start rolling in.

Bendey’s Kindergarten Christmas Masterpiece

This is when my design skills really took off.

Sleepy Elf w/ cape and lady bug

Not sure why, but to me, this one screams LSD.

Nesting Birds

The eyeballs on these two will make you want to vomit.

Puppy in Present

This one might be okay if the puppy didn’t look like it had just been hit by a bus.

Xmas Tree

They don’t get much lamer than this, my friends.

Santa Dog

I don’t have much to say about his one, except that I’m really really sorry.

Taxidermy Cardinal

Nothing like something dead and stuffed wired to your tree.

A Couple Christmas Bears

Is that a corn dog he’s holding?

Satanic Rocking Horse

Look at those eyes just literally oozing evil.

Singing Angel

The guy who did the lame Christmas tree from above was also responsible for this one.

Glittery Spider

Yeah, this one should have been thrown out back in the 90’s, but my Mom absolutely hates it.  Therefore, I keep him around.

Dinosaur

Creativity Fail Of The Year:  1989

Mentally challenged mouse/dog type thing in a cloud

Looks like Picasso did this… when he was 4.

Well that’s the list. Our tree has never looked more hideous.

Happy Holidays!

-Bendey